Pitching a Fast Book

How fast can you write a book? Seriously, how fast?

This week, about as fast as a turtle can scuttle from Austin to Anchorage. But once upon a time, I wrote a novel — a really fun romantic comedy — in less than eight months. Sure, novels have been written faster, but for me it was akin to tornadic activity.

Six Magic Words

Says a lot about me, but really doesn’t get me all the way there. So then I put my writer’s muse to work, and she came up with:

Shhh, not now. Mama’s writing smut.

Canning the Muse

When my kids were little, I used to sneak into the bathroom with my writing pad and lock the door. I’d put down the toilet seat (somebody had to do it), and get comfortable; then a switch would flip in my brain and I’d pour my inky prose onto page after page of a budding novel. Behind a locked bathroom door was the only place I could find relief from the constant demands of my life; the only place that allowed me real uninterrupted writing time.

Writer’s Block Haiku

Writer’s block is vexing me,
Flexing, hexing, perplexing me.
F*cker.

Who Reads Your Stuff?

Well, I just couldn’t resist an invitation to be a contributing author on another blog, Alexandria (Crossroads of Culture). It’s a really cool site with lots of deep, substantive, analytical thinkers. I like to think deeply, substantially, and analytically when I’m not in my awake mode of shallow, inconsequential, and cerebrally absent, so I thought it might be a fun change-up.

Jazzed About Writing

I am addicted to words. Here are the top 11 reasons I get jazzed about writing:

1. I get to make up comical stories about people in quirky situations and conversations that make me laugh. When I think of them, I get an endorphin buzz. Yes, I crack myself up.

Dare to Suck!

Believe it or not, giving yourself permission to write badly is actually quite liberating. Your apexual (that one’s for you, Colbert!) expectations drop way down and your writing ramps up because you’ve loosened the iron chains of perfection that bind you (reminiscent of the way a stool softener can set you free).

Finding Clarity

When second-guessing yourself and your abilities becomes more prevalent than your desire to reach your goal, ya gotta take a hard look at yourself. I am. Writing is hard work, and there’s a good chance I will be rejected again (and again!).

Hell Yes!

I’m a writer. I tell everyone I’m a writer. It’s so much a part of who I am, it’s hard to hide. It also serves some good purposes in that (a) I’m proud to be a writer, mostly because it’s something I’m good at, (b) it opens up a lot of great conversations, especially when you run into someone you didn’t previously know was a writer, (c) people don’t mind spilling their guts so much when they know it’s for research (heh, heh), and (d) by saying it out loud, it makes me accountable for finishing my writing projects.

Got a Demonic Muse?

I edited a bit more and sent three shiny new chapters to an agent I had previously passed over. Again, I was shot down by the second string and the mother of all oxymorons: a nice rejection.