Finding Clarity

In my recent post, “I Disgust Myself,” John Shore was kind enough to leave a thoughtful comment. His words stuck with me all day:

“I meet a fair number of aspiring writers. For what it’s worth, I usually suggest they take very seriously this question: Why, really, do you want to be a writer? What’s your real goal there? What do you think’s really in it for you?

“Always good to have that kind of clarity, I think. If you think you want to be a writer, but you’re NOT writing, then that means some fairly significant part of you DOESN’T want to be a writer. There’s probably some information there.”

That’s totally true. I made myself read his words several times to be sure I absorbed their full meaning and that I had the honest answers. Writers can come up with lots of reasons for NOT writing, but after awhile, those reasons begin to look more like excuses. I know intellectually that there is but one reality to my dream: writers write.

So here’s where the clarity comes in: the fairly significant part of me absolutely wants to make a career out of writing novels, and that same significant part of me has gotten lazy and doesn’t want to do the work.

When second-guessing yourself and your abilities becomes more prevalent than your desire to reach your goal, ya gotta take a hard look at yourself. I am. Writing is some of the hardest (and most rewarding) work I’ve ever done, and there’s a good chance I will be rejected again (and again!). Not writing for a good year has encouraged laziness of mind and habits, and that’s what I realize I’m fighting. 

Also in mulling over John’s comment, I discovered something else I needed even more than clarity: I needed gumption. And I got it, at least a bright burst of it. All this self-reflection flipped the passion switch inside me. I’ve done it before, written and finished two books — and greatly enjoyed every minute of the work – and I can do it again. The passion is still there, but it’s buried under the distractions I allow to take up prime writing time. Coincidentally, those distractions work to save me from receiving more rejections.

It’s not easy to keep pursuing something so doggedly, especially after the tsunami of ”no’s” floods your consciousness. But we writers with that dream can’t give up. We can’t be quitters. We can’t be lazy susans spinning in circles all day. So thanks, John, for the words of wisdom and the proverbial kick in the pants.

Ouch!